Not being able to breath freely and easily below my chest is always in indication that I’m going through an energetic shift.

It is as if all of the kundalini energy gets trapped above my heart chakra, collecting mostly in my 3rd eye and crown chakras. My mind becomes racy with darker and more intrusive thoughts, my limbs become cold and irritation, confusion and disconnectedness become my primary experience.

During these periods of intense shifting I feel a lack of energy to do much of anything. Sleep feels like it is healing me on a deeply cellular level. It is like my body is allocating all of its energies to facilitating the immense inner transformation that is taking place and doesn’t have much of anything left for basic functioning.

What has a tendency to make these ‘shifts’ ‘upgrades’ ‘purges’ feel especially difficult is when I become identified with the minds definitions and interpretations of what is happening. Being overly identified with the mind is one hell of an affliction for anybody, but it is particularly torturous for those of us going through something that transcends the minds understanding of reality.

It is while going through these intense periods that the mind amplifies the thoughts and feelings that are connected to my deep sub-conscious beliefs. I create imaginary scenarios where imaginary enemies continuously attack and assail my ‘authentic’ self. These enemies, that emanate from my wounded sub-conscious mind, are critical, disbelieving and relentless in there efforts to define me as something other than what I am.

These enemies are metaphors and symbols that the sub-conscious mind uses to scare me in to ceasing all of this being ‘authentic’ business that I’ve been up to. The sub-conscious mind is terrified of me expressing myself in complete authenticity because that means I will become truly vulnerable.

The sub-conscious mind doesn’t understand that vulnerability is a super power and not a weakness. It still beliefs in being guarded, closed off and protective, even if that means living a life of fear and constriction. My sub-conscious beliefs are rooted in survival at all costs and that by being my most authentic expression I could be wounded, rejected, shunned or even stoned to death and crucified.

Fear is the defining emotion and feeling during these challenging and uncomfortable shifts. One specific fear that becomes ever-present in my direct experience of life is social anxiety. When the layers are being stripped away we can just feel so bare and naked in front of others. It is as if there is nothing between us and others anymore and this can feel excruciatingly uncomfortable.

The sub-conscious aspects of me that are rooted in fear and survival finds this intolerable and bombards the brain and body with signals and messages that something is very ‘wrong’. This sends the mind off in to obsessive negative thinking and the body expresses these fearful signals by contracting and closing inward as a protective measure.

When I recognize the process happening in real time I make a point to open the body up completely in to a very relaxed posture while not giving any interest to the thoughts the mind is producing. By doing this I am showing the mind and body that everything is just fine and that we don’t need to take our marching orders from the unhealed aspects of my sub-conscious.

As our consciousness continues to evolve and expand we start becoming more and more aware of so much that needs to be seen, felt, loved, accepted and integrated. Early in our awakening the noisiest and most obnoxious negative beliefs begin leaving one by one and that creates the space within us to see clearly what is lying below the surface, deep in the sub-conscious. Our experience of life shows us without exception how these beliefs impact our lives in dramatic and subtle ways.

The kundalini shines a bright light on these sub-conscious beliefs and demands that we sit with them until we have healed them with acceptance and love.

As I was recollecting all the progress I’ve made in my journey of uninstalling my limited beliefs and replacing them with more expansive and aligned beliefs I began taking note of all of the limited beliefs that are still hanging around and creating a fragmented experience of life.

The particular flavor that still stays with me is, “I’m not worthy.” Who am I to think that I can grow in to the type of person I know I am becoming so quickly. It is like I have this deeply held belief that I should have to suffer more to become this person that I now know I am becoming.

I’m afraid of being too weak or not enough to play the role of teacher, healer, leader. The small ‘me’ cries, “what right do I have to lay claim to those services? I’ve only ever been a retail salesperson with anxiety issues.”

I keep projecting my past self on to my present and future self, thinking that it matters. It only matters to the extent that I believe it does and to the degree that I have to re live my past to learn the lessons I need to learn from it before I can let it go. So in some ways those limiting beliefs must still be serving me if I haven’t let them go.

If you, like myself, are going through this challenging process of letting go of your old self and rediscovering who you’ve always been, my only advice is to allow it to happen as it is happening. We are experiencing what we are experiencing for our greatest good, otherwise we wouldn’t be experiencing it.

The ascension process is rapid and feels unforgiving at times. It takes us to our psychological, physical, and emotional edge in the blink of an eye and lets us hover there for what feels like an eternity. It is when we realize on a deep level that the edge is where the magic happens that we begin to voluntarily walk to it and to hover there, looking down at the infinite abyss with a knowing that it is just a reflection of who we really are and the one who is scared and resisting is just the false self or ‘little me’. The abyss reflects back to us that our negative ego’s days are numbered and that we just need to keep leaning in to this process with unconditional courage and trust.