Kundalini Awakening, The Void And God
TO WATCH A VIDEO SUMMARY OF THIS BLOG POST CLICK HERE!
Months were passing and I was just sitting. It was just me and The Void.
I would sit, legs crossed, staring at the wall across from me, while feeling into the vast spaciousness and emptiness of all there is, wondering what’s the point?
I asked, why do anything? The doer within me was dissolving. Fear would no longer move me or motivate me into action.
I wasn’t sure who I was anymore, and I certainly didn’t know who I was becoming. Without fear moving my body there was just this profound emptiness. Not depression or sadness, just utter nothingness. Nothing was bad or good, right or wrong, there was no discernible purpose to Life. It just was. I was just sitting there and staring off into the cosmos wondering, “why am I here?”
The one thing I knew for certain is that my consciousness had shifted. My inner reality was transforming. I felt free but without desire or a compulsion to do anything but sit. I would often wonder, “where is this kundalini awakening taking me?”
Day after day no answers would come. No great revelations or discoveries. Just more emptiness and nothingness and rain. Lots of rain. Portland winters are designed for the inward contemplation of mystics.
After months of solitude and going within I realized that there was an infinite depth to this emptiness that I had been sifting through. It was bottomless.
With this realization I began spinning out in the blankness of all there is. My mind had reached a breaking point and peace no longer abided. Something had to change. This couldn’t be where all of this ended. I refused to accept abiding in infinite emptiness as a perpetual fate.
I took the courageous step of reaching out to Craig Holliday. A powerful and loving healer. Leading up to our Skype session I was spinning out in the vastness of the universe. My being was floating through reality, directionless and purposeless. My psyche was beginning to crack.
As I logged into Skype to connect with Craig my heart was pounding. I didn’t know what was going to happen but I knew that it was going to be different than anything I had experienced up until that point.
I remember the conversation more as a movement of energy more than I remember anything specific. However, one question that Craig asked is still lodged in my consciousness and is something that I doubt I will ever forget.
During the course of the session Craig asked me, “What is your relationship with God?”
I was thrown by the question. I didn’t really have one. God? Maybe I had a relationship with my Higher Self and my Guides but God just felt so far beyond the perspectives and realizations that I had accepted up until that point.
Two days after my transformative session with Craig I was out in the rain forest in the middle of Portland, Oregon and I opened to God for the first time.
As I was standing below several wondrous and powerful trees shrouded in a mystical and heavenly aura, I asked God to use me as a vessel for Her love and peace. I asked Her to use me as a conduit to bring Her love and peace and joy to this world. Please God, wake up in me as me, open my heart and help me to move out of the way so that your Grace can flood my being, help me to surrender and to let go so that Your Divine Will can take over and move through me and speak through me and act through me. Please God guide me and give me the courage to open to your Grace and your love. I love you God. I love you so much.
A day of two following my prayer in the Forest I began creating kundalinidiaries.com. I had no idea what I was doing. Years ago I attempted to create a blog numerous times and gave up each time due to frustration and confusion. Technology isn’t really my thing.
Yet somehow in 3 days I had created a blog with 6 posts. The energy was flooding through me. It was the most powerfully driven energy that I had ever experienced until that point. It went beyond passion. The energy was a driving force. It was not asking or guiding, it was demanding that I create a blog and share my story. I had no choice. And frankly, I didn’t want it to be any other way.
It felt so good to allow something greater than my personal will to come into me and to act through me as me. I was in love with Life. I knew for certain what my path would be from that moment forward.
