Kundalini Awakening: The Purge
CLICK HERE TO WATCH A VIDEO READING OF THIS BLOG: THE PURGE
“Often Kundalini Awakening is perceived as the realization, as it’s often accompanied by all kinds of mystical experiences like bliss, oneness, lights and pretty colours.
In reality, however, Kundalini Awakening is only the beginning of the journey. Now that the sleeping Goddess is arising, the real work begins!
And that real work can be bloody awful.”
My back was killing me and I knew that yoga would help. During the course of a one hour at home Bikram yoga class I could feel my energy start to build but I stuck through it till the end. After it was over when I was laying in Savasana I started to become nauseous.
I had so much energy stirred up inside of me I felt like I was going to puke.
The energy started thrashing around wildly through my entire body. Even though I was extremely freaked out and terrified I had this internal knowing that resisting the energy would not work out favorably. The Kundalini was moving through me with such force, strength and purpose that I held several thoughts simultaneously. “Is this going to kill me? Is this actually happening? Am I going to explode? What if my parents come home and this is still happening? I am definitely not making it to work today.” I tried my best to stay calm and surrendered and to let it rip through me.
My whole body was coursing with fear. I intuited that it was beyond my capacity to stop so my best option was to just hang on for the ride (that has been my strategy for the better part of the last 1.5 years). Abruptly, after about 30 seconds of intense rushing through my body the energy began shooting out of my face! It felt like all the energy in my body was being completely emptied out. I didn’t know what to make of it. I remember feeling like a vast quantity of energy was being laser beamed out of my forehead.
After about 30 seconds of this remarkable experience the energy settled in to a homeostasis and I was left hanging my head in exasperation. I really couldn’t believe what had just happen to me. My head felt completely empty yet heavy. My body felt 10lbs lighter and this loving wave of immense peace washed over me. I was experiencing the emotions of love and joy in a way I never had before. I was just over flowing with them. 10 minutes later my parents walked in with Jimmy John’s. I didn’t want to freak them out so I kept what had just taken place to myself.
I was still coming to terms with what had just happened myself. After lunch I went in to work and I can still remember how VIVID everything was. My senses were off the charts. Colors, sounds and smells were so vibrant and alive. The world looked completely different. It was almost as if I could see through the physical nature of everything and recognized it all as just energy. It was surreal. My senses were heightened to the point where just having a casual conversation with a co-worker was a mystical experience. Every interaction with a client that day was an outer body experience, albeit one where I was in a supremely good mood.
What was happening to me was now undeniable and I no longer questioned it.
Once the euphoria and blissful emptiness started to fade the energy went right back to work on me. My head now began filling with more of this energy than ever. It was like a block was pushed through. For days and weeks straight there was a constant pulsation on my forehead. If you are going through this symptom don’t have any concerns about it. It is fairly common and temporary and serving its purpose. DON’T try and move it or force it like I did.
One evening I started to resist this symptom and started getting overly stressed out and annoyed by it. I did some online digging and found a way to force it back down. After a few tries it worked! I felt the energy intensely rush down from my head and in to my limbs. Instantaneously almost as it was happening I knew I had made a huge mistake. My head being left completely empty started generating awful suicidal thoughts and my limbs that were now full of this energy were ice cold and somewhat numb.
I had tried to manipulate the energy and had gotten burned. The next few days were challenging but after awhile it balanced back out and I felt a lot better. The heavy price I paid taught me a lesson I will never forget. The best way to deal with any energetic or emotional symptom that the Kundalini brings up is to just make peace with it and allow it fully. As always, just surrender with the knowing that it is healing you in an intelligent way that can sometimes feel violent.
Given all of the energetic fluctuations and intense pressures in my head it became very hard to access my intellect. Reading was now essentially impossible and conversations took on a whole new nature.
While selling at LAZBOY I never knew what I was going to say before I said it. In my 10 years selling prior to the awakening everything I said to clients was always so methodical and planned out. Now it was as if I was witnessing myself speaking instead of doing the speaking myself.
What needed to be said always somehow came out even though I had never thought of the sentence I was saying prior to the moment I was saying it. Because the logical side of my brain was basically inaccessible at the time I was forced to speak from my heart. And the heart is always operating in the present moment whereas thoughts operate in time and space.
Even though my intellect and logical part of my brain had been diminished my ability to connect with people on a purely energetic level had increased dramatically. As I began feeling in to the underlying states of people’s consciousness and coming forward with what they needed on an energetic level from the heart and my sales numbers kept improving I began to realize of how little value thoughts and thinking really have in life. Getting the sale became secondary to discovering what people were going through on a sub-conscious level and just giving them the gift of being completely present with them and what they were going through. Nothing needed to be said for this organic process to take place. It is just a feeling we are able to communicate to one another through genuine heart centered presence.
Not all days had such a flowy energy to them. Actually most days while I was driving to work I wondered how the hell I was going to make it through yet another day. Every day was different and I had no idea what to expect. This still holds true to this day and I suspect will always be the case. You have to learn how to ride the waves and not label the experiences. I’m still an amateur surfer of these energetic waves and wipe out all the time;)
Prior to doing Yoga and having the mystical experience I had just returned from a trip to the border town of Del Rio, Texas. I was inspired to take a trip five hours from home because I wanted to put my new found stability and sanity to the test. Since my ah-ha moment and the internal shift from resistance to surrender I had released a lot of stored up negative energy and was feeling more balanced. Even though I had been in a perpetual state of surrender since my realization the process had not been easy.
The days following my realization it was like a dam had broken.
Now that I was allowing all of the emotions and darkness within to fully arise I was being flooded with fear. My entire life I had struggled with anxiety and at times crippling panic attacks. The energy behind these emotions is always fear. I feel like we all have an emotion that makes us the most uncomfortable and that is probably why we try to suppress or escape those emotions. Fear, by far, was always the one emotion that I was unwilling to face. For my entire life I was always suppressing or escaping any type of fear. The gift and the curse of the Kundalini is that she is going to bring up everything in your consciousness and sub-consciousness for you to see, feel, accept and heal. It is a re integration of all of the shit you have tried to not see and feel your entire life. For me, this meant 4 straight months of being bombarded with intense and paralyzing fear energy.
