Kundalini Activation
CLICK HERE TO WATCH A VIDEO READING OF THIS BLOG: KUNDALINI ACTIVATION
Every fiber of my being was longing for freedom.
I approached the binaural beats with vigor and devotion. Maybe just maybe this would help me in some way. The instructions were simple. Lay down, close your eyes and let go. The recordings played for 20 minutes at a time. They sounded like water flowing in a peaceful river in a pristine mountainous forest. I relaxed my entire being and let the effect of the tones sink deep inside me. I fell in to a still and peaceful meditation for the entirety of the recording.
After I lifted the headphones from my ears I noticed something different within. I had energy. Not only energy but something resembling joy. What was this?!
I hadn’t felt a positive emotion in what felt like an eternity. I rushed out of my room to share my experience with my parents. They were encouraged and curious. I eagerly urged them so try the binaural beats for themselves. They reported feeling calmer and sleepy afterwards but no intense energy shifts. Later that evening I decided it would be a good idea to listen to beats one more time right before bed in an attempt to illicit restful sleep. I took the headphones off after the 20 minutes were up and began feeling a rush of euphoria. Instantly I turned on music and started jumping up and down and dancing all over the room. I even recorded a video of myself dancing in the mirror and sent it to my friend in Paris who had been staying updated on my condition just to show her how good I was finally feeling. I couldn’t believe what was happening inside of me. I was ecstatic. Something had shifted and I started believing that I had found my way out of the darkness. I continued using the binaural beats several times a day for the next three days.
I approached each meditative session with a surrendered intensity. Each time the vibrations of the rushing water and the tones would take me to a deeper and stiller place and every time I took the headphones off I felt a little more space from the cloud of depression and anxiety.
I was more able to observe my thoughts and emotions rather than unconsciously identifying with them. I could see every thought and consciously choose to believe the thought or not. My awareness seemed to be expanding. My parents and I talked daily about how in the near future I could consider moving away to a new city to begin a new life. I was filled with hope and encouragement which made what happened on the 3rd evening of using the brain waves temporarily much more devastating and heart wrenching.
After dinner on the 3rd evening of using the beats I took to my room to meditate with the head phones once more. I had become enchanted with the process and something inside of me kept pulling me back to the intense meditations with the binaural beats. This would be my 5th time using them that day. I eagerly put the head phones on and began my voyage deep within.
When I took the head phones off my life was changed forever.
Initially, I just noticed a large amount of excited energy inside me. It was similar to the first time I had used them but without the euphoria. The experience had a much darker tint to it. I had plans to go to the store so I needed to take a shower. In the shower I began to feel rushing and swirling energy in my throat and started having a difficult time breathing. I kept reassuring myself that whatever was happening would pass. After I got dressed I realized that there would be no store outing for me.
The energy was starting to build and was spreading to my brain and through my limbs. It had a burning cold sensation to it and it felt as if my entire body was crawling with electricity. As the energy entered my brain the current was so strong that I could feel the bed frame vibrating on the wall from the pulsations in my head. When I reached over for my water my hand would be shaking so badly that I would spill the water while trying to take sips.
I was engulfed with fear and dread and once again utterly at a loss. I was convinced that I had over used the binaural beats and that they had done some sort of damage to my brain waves that had caused my body and brain to go bezerk. I researched everything I could about the dangers of binaural beats, emailed the company that produced them and found very little that matched my situation. I felt beyond the help of western medicine so I called a psychic in Odessa, Texas and asked her what she thought and she concluded that the brain waves may have caused such an adverse reaction in me due to some neurological condition. I called to make an appointment with a Neurologist but they were 2 months out till their next appointment so I’d just have to wait. One day I would wake up with an exorbitant amount of fear and not even be able to look outside the window at the sunshine my sensitivity was so heightened. The next day would be off the charts rage and anger followed by an unshakable dark cloud of depression and anxiety. But no matter what my state of emotions were the crawling electric feeling in my entire body and especially my head never ceased.
It felt as if I was being re wired by some intruder. I had a constant feeling of being haunted.
I could no longer sleep in the room where I had been meditating. I had to sleep in a room right next to my parents to feel safe. What the fuck had my life turned in to? A 30 year old man not being able to sleep more than 20 feet from his parents because of the terrorizing feelings produced by an unprecedented energy force?!?! I often wondered if I was in some insanely sadistic simulation or if I was dying. Thinking that what I was going through may just be some extreme form of anxiety or some psycho-somatic condition I decided to go to Natural Grocers and buy some GABA. It was an all-natural supplement that was supposed to help with anxiety. While I was in Natural Grocers I began to really start coming apart. I was having a panic attack while asking the clerk where the supplement was. I could barely speak or check out. When I got home I took one and it did nothing to slow the freight train of energy that was flowing through me. I went out back and paced bare foot in the grass because I had heard it could be grounding. I just kept pacing until I said to myself enough is enough. I got back in my car and drove in to the walk in clinic hopeful that they could give me some information on what was happening with me. As I began describing my situation to the nurse, “shaking, jerking, pulsating in my body and head, feeling cold all the time, ringing in my ears, my heart pounding constantly, not being able to think, limbs going numb sometimes, not sleeping and barely able to eat” she saw how I was looking and immediately told me to go to the private Midland Emergency Room down the road. I met my parents there and described to the doctor that it felt like my brain had been microwaved. After extensive blood tests, a CAT scan and $2,000 later it was determined that nothing was wrong with me.
I had read somewhere briefly about Kundalini Energy but started becoming terrified of such a possibility and dismissed it immediately. It couldn’t be that. It had to be something Western Science could diagnose and treat. At the time I was an atheist with no psychological framework to work with something bigger than my intellect.
One day the energy had become so intense that all I could do was lay in the fetal position. I felt like I was on the brink of suicide or the psyche ward. After spending most of the day in this way I needed to know that I had a way out if it got any worse. I scoured the entire house searching for a gun. I don’t know if I ever would have used it had I found one I just needed to know that there was a way out. The energy was breaking me. My body was being destroyed and burnt up from the inside. Psychologically and emotionally I was in ruins. After coming up empty handed I screamed piercingly loud from the depths of my soul, “GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BODY!” This was the first time I learned that you could communicate with the energy. For the first time the energy relented. I had a little space to engage with life again. Persuaded that this was just some extreme general anxiety disorder I was determined to beat it. I signed up for cross fit and started selling at LAZBOY the next day. Despite still not being able to read and feeling like I was on a perpetual psychedelic trip -which continues to this day to varying degrees- I gutted through each day. One morning while I was in the shower getting ready for work I started having involuntary movements or what I thought at the time were convulsions but what I now know them as Kriyas. Here is a beautiful video by the Soulful Toz that will help ease your consciousness if you too are experiencing them and are becoming alarmed. I had no idea what was going to happen from day to day. Every day I got through was a small miracle.
