Letting Go Of Lack And Scarcity (My Experiment)
I’m currently undergoing an experiment where my intention is to love and dissolve the remaining lack + scarcity based patterns and stories that are still alive in my cells, DNA and nervous system. Building a coaching business from scratch (literally nothing) has been impossibly hard at times.
What has made it impossibly hard is my obsession and preoccupation with the results of my work.
My lack + scarcity based beliefs have been working overtime to ensure that abundance doesn’t flow into my life.
I’ve been enslaved by these beliefs since they were handed down to me when I was a child.
Now, every time worry and fear arise about how my latest video is trending, or how many subscriptions my last blog post generated, instead of unconsciously resisting the worry and fear patterns and compulsively checking my results, I open myself up to the feelings and allow them fully.
This is extremely challenging for me and is a shadow that I have been working through since the origination of this blog 13 months ago. I’ve always had a powerful OCD streak in me, and have felt terror when I felt like I wasn’t in control. I have been overly controlling in relationships, work, family life, you name it, I’ve tried to control it, due to fear.
The kundalini has shown me that control is an illusion, and has helped to heal my OCD nature very deeply. My business is showing me how much unworthiness there still is within me that needs my love and acceptance.
I cannot control the results of my creative endeavors, and this has been excruciatingly painful for me at times (many times). In the past, my fear of the unknown and not being in control kept me small and from embracing new opportunities. I always, always took the ‘safe’ route.
Now my lack based patterns and stories that are rooted in my need for control are keeping me from serving Source at the level that I know I’m capable of serving.
Recently, I hit a breaking point. I was full of heaviness and lack and was repeatedly checking the results of my latest video creation. This needy and non trusting behavior completely crashed my vibration. My internal dialogue started spiraling into self-criticism and negativity, and I found myself in a familiar place of pain and desperation.
This time felt different. I couldn’t take it anymore. I immediately put on my boots and marshaled my myself out into the spacious Montana prairie. As I was walking, surrounded by the rural farming grounds of Central Montana, my Higher Self started talking through me out loud. My Higher Self was really fired up.
All kinds of affirmations, reassurances and inspiring words came pouring through me as I was walking (more like marching). What I remember most from my walk, is when I stopped and stood as still as a board and contemplated my addiction to my phone and technology. It was in that moment, that my higher self spoke the words through me, “If there was ever a time to disconnect, now is the time.”
And then suddenly, wave after wave of shivers descended into me. I knew unequivocally that something within me had shifted.
Life was no longer asking that I let go of my patterns rooted in lack, it was just happening, out of necessity for the greater evolution of the Planet. With all of the fear programming currently blasting through the airwaves, triggering the fear and lack in people, I knew that now was the time to go deep into the Silence, to hear my own voice.
My personal experiment (you’re welcome to join) is that I disconnect from my phone (that thing’s a dragon!) and the internet, media, outside voices etc as much as possible. I find that most times that I am drawn to consuming externals when I am trying to avoid feeling my inner lack and scarcity.
When the lack and scarcity from within arise, I am committed to fully allowing them and sitting with them in a place of openness and love.
It has only been 24 hours, yet I feel a sense of renewal taking place within. My obsession over chasing results and maintaining a false sense of control were keeping me creatively blocked.
When we obsess over results it blocks us from receiving because we put ourselves in a lack vibration, because it subconsciously reinforces that we are not worthy.
We obsess over results because we are believing the lie, that if we don’t achieve a certain level of success, then we are not worthy of Love.
This turns our career into an object of validation that we hand all of our power over to.
Now we’re on a perpetual roller coaster of emotions, and our focus is pulled from ‘paying attention’ into ‘getting attention’, which consequently lowers our vibration into lack and blocks us from receiving, while also diminishing our abilities to create and give our gifts to Life.
A universal law is “you get what you give.” If we are giving out vibrations of lack, we can expect life to return to us more evidence of our inner state of lack.
The simplest recipe for abundance in Life is the following:
1) Follow your Highest excitement
2) With NO expectations
When we put expectations on our creative endeavors, we become attached to the results and derive our sense of self worth from how good or not good we think we did. The truth is, our results have NO MEANING. When we are trying to control our results, we are trying to play God. This comes down to trusting Life.
Lack and scarcity programs, beliefs and stories comes down to trying to fill an inner deficiency through an external object (career, relationship, money, status, family, achievement etc) and the pain we are feeling when our results don’t validate us the way we want them to, is actually just a symptom of not feeling our wholeness, worthiness and love from within.
Every time the pain from these lack + scarcity stories and patterns arise, when our results disappoint us, it is an opportunity to love ourselves more unconditionally.
It is an opportunity to show these aspects of ourselves that they can find the love they are seeking in a result, within us, in our open heart.
Then as we begin to integrate and experience our wholeness from within, we are truly free to follow our highest excitement with no expectations, and from this place we are wide open conduits for abundance, connection, opportunity and inspired ideas to help shift the Planet to flow in.
