Transcending Personal Desire By Surrendering To The Kundalini
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“Sometimes letting go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.”
The kundalini is the ultimate inner guru.
My Life is becoming one of allowing the kundalini to speak and act through me as me. My single-minded purpose has been and continues to be merging into complete union with this devastatingly loving force.
The path of a kundalini awakening is all about bringing a newfound depth and intensity to the experience of our existence. Through this depth and intensity, we come to know the Self that pervades all of Life.
Our ray of perception expands to include the entirety and fullness of each moment. We become able to perceive the full spectrum of light and dark within and without. To be able to savor and tolerate our expanded consciousness we must learn the art of surrender and letting go.
With the kundalini, the ONLY path is surrendering our personal will.
Surrendering our personal will means allowing the death of the energy vortex that feeds and sustains itself through ‘wanting’ things ‘out there.’ Freedom means allowing this energy vortex within us that is always ‘wanting’ to collapse. There is a powerful emotional component to this energy vortex.
This energy vortex feeds on our beliefs of unworthiness and incompleteness and strives to reassert and enhance the ego’s sense of self to remain active in the emotional body.
The energy vortex of wanting siphons off your creative energies and intuitive abilities and doesn’t allow for you to fully give your gifts. When the ‘wanting’ structure within collapses, we become free and the giving of our gifts becomes effortless.
Feel the inertia towards reaching for something to feel safe. Allow that energy to come fully to the surface while redirecting your energies and your focus back inside to the Self.
This wanting and craving can feel so out of control and overwhelming at times. The emotional attachment to the ego and the ego’s neediness can be very strong. We break this attachment by becoming more aware of the attachment. We don’t suppress or fight this movement, because then we are just wanting to not want. Instead, we just watch that which is fighting to keep us in bondage.
To help initiate the dissolution of the energy vortex within that is always wanting I undertook a self-imposed silent retreat. Essentially, I turned my cell phone off. My cell phone and technology in general is where my ego consistently goes to keep the energy of ‘wanting’ alive.
The retreat doesn’t have to be torture. Play with the craving and irritations that arise. Have a curiosity about the movement towards impulsively reaching for something to give us the temporary illusion that something ‘out there’ can provide us wholeness within.
The silent retreat is a way to reprogram our brain that has gotten carried away with wanting things to take it away from its feelings of lack.
Here is something I journaled during the first day of my silent retreat: “Wow quitting my cell phone is like withdrawing from drugs. It is a drug! I’m well aware that the feelings of discomfort are my brain and body being reprogrammed. The discomfort and anxiety are actually a sign of healing my attachment to my phone. The longer I sit with these feelings the more my brain will start creating new pathways and the freer I will become.”
Suddenly, I realized that without the distraction of trying to find ‘something’ out there that I felt was missing within, through the constant checking of my cell phone, that I was entering into a new type of movement, a deeper movement more aligned with the nature of my existence. I was coming face to face with the Self.
I can feel all the ways in which technology was programming me to constantly need it for dopamine hits. No different than a drug addict. NO different. And of course, my illusory self sees what it can ‘get’ from this newer state (more productivity!) but what I’m really walking towards is freedom from the illusory self’s energetic pull on my being.
When we walk towards our fears of silence, space and stillness we are willingly bringing up our darkness. This turns us into conscious conduits of the alchemizing process instead of unconsciously allowing life to unearth our subconscious beliefs and darkness through the use of our ego’s desires and dissatisfaction’s.
You could make a whole life out of the one concept of ‘wanting.’ You could go your entire life watching that which wants and seeing through its illusory nature. And when you no longer have to do that anymore, it will be an entirely new life, whether in your current body or a new one.
You expand by letting go of vibrations rooted in lack. And when you expand, how much you give also expands.
When we stop reaching for the ‘wanting’ of attention, validation and praise or the objects and people that we desire and crave, we create and allow the space to open up for the Self to shine through. From this newly created space springs forth inspiration, joy and fresh ideas for invigorating movement. When your consciousness can come back home and rest in the Self, the movement to create is profound.
And then, the ‘wanting’ and the corresponding discomfort will resurface again. The bondage and addictive impulses will start to arise. Once again, just watch with curiosity. No matter how uncomfortable they may be, they are just feelings. Pay attention to where these feelings are emanating from. Which chakra or energy center do they reside in? It is just energy.
After some time of allowing the impulses and uncomfortable feelings arise without being pulled in by the ‘wanting’ energy vortex within us, you begin to feel more like your Self and the space for creativity, inspiration and joy will open back up again.
Through the passive entertainment of staring at a screen, or through attention seeking activities we slowly suppress and drain our creative and vital energies. Seeking and not receiving the praise and admiration you so covet will deplete your creative resources and energies. Love the work you do so much that it is all you need.
Some of the best writers, artists, poets and actors etc. never got the recognition they ‘deserved’ while they were still in the physical form. But they received the enormous reward of giving their gifts to life. That’s all that God promises us; if we unabashedly and fearlessly follow our highest calling, our bliss, our highest excitement we will always be supported enough to keep giving our gifts.
If you need the recognition and earthly rewards to inspire you to continue to give your gifts, you are voluntarily creating a situation in which you will create your own suffering, even while giving your gifts! Now that is a tragedy.
Messages of the Tony Robbins style of “build an epic life!” are not necessary once we have connected with and know ourselves to be the infinite Self.
Once we know ourselves to be Source energy, an extension of God, life automatically becomes Epic regardless of our external circumstances.
No matter how life unfolds, whether in a big way, or a simple way, life just becomes permanently profound because you become connected to your powerful life stream. And your life stream offers an intelligence that knows exactly what is best suited for this incarnation of ‘you’ and your level of self realization.
We can just give our life over to the Self. We can just allow the kundalini to live through us as us and allow her to guide us through life.
It is a guided path, even the mistakes are guided. You realize that it couldn’t have happened any other way, because it happened the way it did.
A movement within begins to generate momentum where we start giving without any attachment to what we hope to receive. Our genuine giving from the heart becomes all the nourishment that we need.
One of the most valuable lessons you will learn on the spiritual path, is that when you let go of wanting, you open yourself up to receive far more than you ever wanted in the first place.
When you come to rest in the Self you will realize that you actually begin to desire what is good for you.
The Self we realize is the lap in which Life happens. And the Self is bringing us exactly what we need, when we need it. There is no need to manifest. When we are in union with the Self we realize that Life manifests for us. The Self is the doer behind all action.
Initially, we may ask for Life to bring our attachments to us (this person or that person) but the kundalini has a way of breaking us from our attachments. Don’t take your life’s outcomes and events so personally. Ultimately, the kundalini just wants us to be free.
Eventually it will not matter which direction life and the kundalini are taking us because we will know ourselves to be complete and that everything is love.
It is personal will and ego that are responsible for the frequency and vibration of lack through their wantingness and craving. Our ego’s desires are endless and can never be satiated. As long as we struggle and exert our will we will never feel fulfilled or satisfied.
Connecting to the ‘Most High’ through prayer is the purest and most effective way to drying up our personal will. Your personal will is concerned with what it can ‘get.’ Your higher self is concerned with what it can experience and give back to Source through the experiencing.
The most powerful thing you can do is to cultivate a personal relationship with God. You can just give everything over to God.
It takes all the egoic and personal pressure away. It reorients our way of perceiving reality. We see everything as a lesson from God and we surrender our victim-hood. We no longer see bad and good or right and wrong.
How much of a reality does the ego hold in your consciousness?
